I have a video of me masturbating and its all over the web, What should I do ?

Ok.. I viewed the NASTY SHAGGY clip at flurl dot com.. Are you somehow related to the Geico cavemen? Wow.. I'm at a loss for words here but Its my civic duty to help anyone regardless how much I'm throwing up. Putting aside my sudden urges to heave my guts, I will push on and try and help.. Obviously you cant put the cork back in the bottle so thats a lost cause but I can give you advice on how you can do such things and NOT be so painfully disgusting.. Get a paper and pencil and write this down.. Ready ? First off..Lose 5 or 100 pounds because you looked like a hippo at the zoo getting its crotch attacked by a perverted caretaker.. Second.. For god sake, clean that filthy house.. 3rd.. Dont allow the cameraman to pan up and show your face because Ugly ruins the moment.. 4th and foremost.. Dont align yourself with a bunch of toothless retards because only bad things will come from it.. There now dont you feel better ?