What can I expect from Zeeke in 2009 ?

I went back thru some of the questions and realized how badly the world needs ZEEKE.. Helping my fans get a bettter grip on life thru honest opinion and commentary brings me great joy .. So.. You can count on Zeeke being here to help YOU make life just a little more bearable.. Dont forget to make lots of New Years resolutions so you can start off the New Year the same way you ended 2008.. A GLORIOUS STAR SPANGLED FAILURE..


Important information for Zeeke fans....

I know most of the people who read this are highly intelligent sophisticated types much like myself but a few dullards are still having trouble understanding how to submit a question for my consideration.. I will type this slowly so even the most severly mentally handicapped readers can understand and participate .. Questions can only be submitted to the following email address BOBgumsNUTS@aol.com I'm trying to make this a worthwhile, positive experience for everyone so instead of having to explain this for the 3rd time, Heres what you do... Take a knife and scratch BOBgumsNUTS@aol.com into your arm until it bleeds, Then rub salt on it so it scars and you will have a permanent reminder and I can stop wasting valuable keystrokes explaining simple tasks to mindless dumbfucks.. Thank You


A special Zeeke suggestion for Dallas Cowboy fans who DONT live in Texas ...

When slitting the wrist, Dont go side to side.. You will just bleed and ruin the carpet.. Cut with the grain and you will bleed out just fine... Heres a helpful suggestion to make suicide a bit more efficent.. Stick both hands into a food processor and grind until you reach the elbows..


I've been nice to people for 9 days and everyone still hates me .. Why ?

You have acted like an escaped mental patient for the past 7 years, You cant expect people to warm up to you right away... Lets not forget the fact that the newfound " NICE " is all an act and as soon as the situation changes and it no longer suits your needs you will be right back to full blown shit for brains halfwit retarded nut case.. So why bother trying to fool anyone ? Embrace the vile, sick horrible human being you are and stop the act.. No ones buying it anyway..


My car needs repair, Should I fix it myself ?

Well.. Most people with an IQ above 50 can manage small repairs .. One GAYTARD I heard of had a leaking brake caliper piston and when he Tried to repair it he ended up punching a hole in his gas tank .. Heres a rule.. If your MOM packs your lunch everyday, You lack basic MAN skills so its best to leave shit like that alone..


I'm just not feeling Christmas this year, How can I get in the Christmas spirit ?

The Christmas spirit can be purchased at Walmart for $29.98 plus tax ..



Are black leather pants fashionable ?

Not even a retard would wear leather pants..


What is a CANKLE ?

A Cankle is what happens when a fat womans calf and ankle grow together to form a single body part..

Why is POOP so funny ?

Because its POOP..


my girlfriends kid was bad and needs to be punished, How should I handle it ?

I read a newspaper article recently and it seems this guy boarded a kid in a doghouse, taunted him and blew cigarette smoke thru the ventholes.. When the police arrived the PERP was sitting on top of the doghouse and the kid was screaming and crying to be let out.. Now I'm no Dr Spock but this seems like child abuse to me, So dont go to those extremes.. Maybe you could try something a little less drastic like hanging the kid upside down in a dark closet for a few hours.. At least this way the neighbors wont hear the kid crying and call police..


Is it Ok to make fun of people in wheelchairs ?

Sure.. Making fun of Gimps and Cripples is the American way.. People pretend to be outraged but deep down they are laughing right along with you..


Zeeke you caught me in another lie.. How did you know I was lying ?

Once you get caught lying.. (which you have been many times} Its impossible for me to believe anything you say, So everything you say becomes a lie from that moment on.. This time busting you out was even better because you saw fit to drag a BIMBHO from California and a HOSEBAG from Washington State along for the ride.. When you said THEY created the name and told you the "BOB" was unavailable, You dragged them into the tall tale right along with you .. When I went and created the name ALL 3 of you said was Unavailable, It Proved the whole story false .. Guess What ? It made all 3 of you LIARS and the game was over... I wouldnt wanna be in YOUR shoes when those 2 bitches figure out that you ratfucked them as well as yourself.. Let this be another "ZEEKE" lesson learned .. Dont lie or Zeeke will make you look like a total ass..


How many blogs are too many ?

Well.. If you have more blogs than you have braincells.. Its too many..


Fake breasts or real ? Which is better ?

Personally, I like real as long as they dont have a belly button between them ...


My big fat wife acts like a whore on the internet.. Should I be offended ?

Hell Yes.. Its a direct reflection on you.. I know the idea of sex with her seems gross and disgusting because the cow has put on a hundred pounds since the wedding but thats not the point.. You feed her, Put clothes on her back and provide her with a home and this is how she repays you ? Some internet romeo needs beat off material and uses her like a gloryhole ? I dont think so, Man up and put a stop to this funny business pronto .. Heres what you do.. As soon as the opportunity presents itself, Push the bitch down a flight of steps and as shes laying at the bottom in a twisted pile of broken bones crying for help say.. " Maybe one of your internet beat off buddies can help you dial 911 " Then spit on her and walk away.. As she lays there coughing up blood it will sink in how stupid shes been acting and if she survives I doubt she will be cybering again anytime soon.. Goodluck and Seasons greetings ..


I'm on Welfare and I have 4 cents in my account and "check day" isnt until the 1st.. What can I do ?

This really grinds my gears.. Heres some dandy advice.. Go GET A JOB and stop living off taxpayers .. All we ever get from these lowlife scumbags is excuses and sob stories.. Imagine what it would be like to have a little pride and dignity for a change instead of living on handouts and government support ? OK.. Personal feelings aside I should help this person .. After all.. I am trying to make the world a better place one question at a time.. So here goes.. The next time you are sucking dick for Kools. Steal the guys wallet.. His pants will be around his ankles and you have a free hand, It should be easy... You are already a Hep C infected dicksucking welfare whore, So its not a big deal to add "wallet stealing" to Hep C infected dicksucking welfare whore.. Like this.. You are a wallet stealing Hep C infected dicksucking welfare whore.. See.. I bet no one will think any less of you .. Thanx for the question...


I made a blog and no one reads it, Why has "Ask Zeeke" become so popular so fast ?

Blogs are like sexual partners.. Some thrill you to death while others just leave you scratching you head and wishing they would go away.... I picked the " Ask Zeeke " format because everything can always be fresh and new... You never know what Zeeke will be posting and it has created a sense of anticipation and excitement.. If you do some lame halfassed hate blog only the people who dislike that person will read it... After the initial post it seems retarded and stalkerish and people wont continue to read it because its not entertaining enough to keep anyones attention.. So anyway.. I pointed you in the proper direction.. Lets see how badly you can bastardize it..


I emailed a question and you deleted it..Why ?

Sorry.. Sometimes it happens.. I pulled the question out of my recycle bin .. The question was.. " Zeeke.. You turn me on so much and you wont give me the time of day .. How can I get you to notice me ? " Sorry, You cant.. You are a fat filthy cockeyed whore that I chose to ignore because you disgust me .. But in the spirit of the Christmas season, I offer you this answer .. The next time you feel the need to masturbate while fantasizing about Zeeke, Pull up my picture and stab your vagina with a steak knife until you bleed to death.. Thats about as close as you are ever gonna get to the real thing..

My vehicle got reposessed is my credit ruined ?

Your credit could have been saved if you had bought it back from the bank before auction .. Since that didnt happen.. You are pretty much screwed .. Now you are a deadbeat who couldnt buy a pack of gum on credit... Heres the real pisser, You are going to have to pay the difference between what it sold for at auction and what you still owed the bank at reposession.. If you had followed my advice months ago and gotten your shit together and focused a little bit more on things that are really important in life you wouldnt be in this mess .. So let this be a lesson to everyone.. If you dont take Zeeke's advice.. HORRIBLE THINGS WILL HAPPEN ..


I'm toothless and have a big date .. What can I do ?

Hmm... Obviously NOT having teeth is a huge turnoff.. Most people cant even look at a toothless person without being totally disgusted, So its gonna require a bit of deception.. Heres what you do, Go down to the Dollar Tree store and buy 2 boxes of white Chicklets.. Now stuff them into the black holes where your teeth used to be.. INSTANT TEETH .. I hope this was helpful and GOODLUCK..


Do MANLY men cry ?

Oh hell no. .. Poetry writing sissyboys are as outdated as blackjeans and engineer boots ..


I was trampled by a fatgurl at a buffet, Can I sue ?

Likely NOT.. I had my own brush with death at a buffet.. I reached for the last chop and a fatgurl plunged a fork into the back of my hand.. Her eyes glazed over then she started growling and foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.. Before she could full on attack me I reached into the dessert bar and grabbed a slice of cheesecake and threw it in the other direction, When she dove for it I made my escape.. I contacted A lawyer and he told me fatgurls are poor, lazy and usually dont have jobs so why bother ? All you can do is minimize contact with fatties and avoid future injury by avoiding places they hang out like Buffets, Bingo halls, Bowling alleys and Walmarts .. Always remember to point and laugh from a safe distance and you'll be fine ..


I ate a 4 day old hotdog am I gonna die ?

Hopefully ..

If I'm fat and ugly should I send out nude pictures of myself ?

Ughh... NO .. I saw some pics recently that made me wanna scoop out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon and drop them in boiling water for disinfection.... Her boobs hung like wet socks filled with cottage cheese and her snapper looked like a 5 gallon bucket with a furry lid.. I know some internet guys are hard-up but damn.. Show a little compassion for those of us who dont have torrid love affairs with a sandwich bag and a bottle of lotion and keep that shit to yourself ..


Is it Ok to lie and say you have cancer because you want pity ?

No person of any human value would lie about having cancer.. Its a slap in the face to anyone who has lost a friend or family member to this terrible disease .... I think KARMA should step in, Reduce them to living on welfare, Give them HEP C and let them die a painfully slow agonizing death..


Can '" COCKEYED " be fixed ?

Evidently not in Washington State ..


How long should an AOL suicide last ?

If you have ratfucked a buncha friends and you are all pissed off and hatin life because they caught you talking out of both sides of your neck.. Hell with it.. You are totally ruined and everyone has already figured out that you are an untrustworthy bag of shit so why bother making a bigger ass of yourself ? If you say you are tired of the BS and leaving AOL forever and then comeback in a matter if days, You come off looking like a total douchenozzle ... So unless you really mean it.. Dont do the suicide thingy.. EVER

Are all truckers fat illiterate toothless retards ?

DUH... Look at everyone you know who drives a truck for a living .. We gotta big 10-4 on that one good buddy ..

Does the inside of Bonnies vagina really look like creamed corn ?

I recently contacted the last person who was up in her pussy so when her son told me it was true.. I gotta believe it..

Is JonnyRico GAY ?

I heard he wrote my name on a baseball bat and shoved it up his ass while screaming "ZEEKE IS GOD, ZEEKE IS GOD " So I'm gonna have to go with YES on this one ..

Do FATGURLZ have feelings ?

Who cares ? Look.. Unless its 1:55am and the bartender says " last call " leave fatgurlz alone.. Here's Zeekes thoughts on the subject.. Fatgurlz are like stolen bikes, You ride them til they are broke and throw them in a ditch and if you get caught lie about it and say it never happened ..


A message from Zeeke himself

Due to popular demand I felt it was time for the ZEEKE phenom to go global.. Please dont be afraid to ask really hard hitting questions or seek advice from the ALL KNOWING Zeeke.. You can submit questions here or email me at BOBgumsNUTS@aol.com ..