What scoop could be worthy of such a bold statement ? Zeeke is really a space alien ? Ronnie is really a 26 inch tall 300 pound dwarf ? Ham goes to church every Sunday ? Itchy cooks with a microwave oven ? Those would all be big big big news.. One thing we know is the blog post wont be about Redsky because shes big and uninteresting.. BADDABINGBABYYYYYYYYY..
I wish to thank all the people who made this possible.. YOU the readers.. It's been my honor to provide you with some outrageous laughs and hopefully provide a little insight into the mindless stupidity that surrounds Maryland Chat.. Not a single word posted in a blog should have any significant impact on anyones life but look at the utter madness Zeeke has created.. The last time I looked at Ugly's smear rag Zeeke hate had consumed it entirely.. It's really mindblowing to think that a character I created to make fun of the the AOL establishment a decade ago could still have such a profound impact on so many peoples lives but the evidence is clear, Zeeke has.. I think Faggy's anti-zeeke campaign has been the funniest self destruction I've ever witnessed.. He's become everything he detests and theres no way for anyone to view that except laugh at the old senile coot and call it a TOTAL VICTORY ! So anyway.. Ask Zeeke will continue providing its readers with the same high quality nonsense you have come to expect from A true giant of the industry and please always remember.... ZEEKE HATE ROONS LIFES !
Stark contrasts between Palm Beach Santa and the West Virginia Santa.. West Virginia Santa cruises around in a beat up golf cart strung with a few lights, some ratty tinsel and always had a beer in his hand... Palm Beach Santa cruises around in a 5 million dollar yacht strung with thousands of lights and porn star hot helpers... Seriously.. You need to pack a bag and get down here now !
As most of you know the staff of Ask Zeeke is taking a little RnR in Palm Beach Florida.. The family compound is utterly amazing.. This morning we sat by the pool in 79 degree weather and watched the ocean while we had coffee and caught up on the years... Tomorrow we are taking the Cessna down to Key Largo to see the OTHER beach house.. Now I know how powerball winners feel when they look down and see they have the winning numbers.. JACKPOT !
We found Frooty alive and well.. Our crack photography team caught the limpwristed swami performing a pre-fisting ritual before offering up his bunghole up for a night of manly fun at the White Swallow Inn..
This morning I purchased an online medical degree and as a public service the staff at Ask Zeeke will start offering FREE medical advice..
The first product we will recommend is Liverite.. Study's have shown that good liver function is critical to general health and mental well being.. Without a healthy liver toxins build up in the blood and make normal life impossible.. Signs of a failing liver include.. Comma abuse, Poor grammar, Using big words incorrectly, Living in Halethorpe, Dependence on welfare, Living in section 8 housing, No job in 40 years, Having 57 blogs and 52 of them are related to the same subject, Crying at Walmart, Feeling victimized by a society in which you have contributed nothing, Inability to keep friendships, Self degradation and Sucking dick for Kools.. Of course this is a partial list but if you show any of these warning signs you would benefit greatly from Liverite unless of course you have Hep C then just give up because you will die soon and it's a waste of taxpayer money.. I hope you found this new segment informative and HEPful..
Ask Zeeke recon photographers caught this scene of total destruction of public enemy number 1.. (no not Bonnies liver or K2's imaginary sense of humor) .. GREAT VICTORY was acheived in a tactical strike which occured sometime last evening.. The Ask Zeeke Delta Force team suffered no casualties but a helicopter was downed in the operation which is now in enemy hands.. Obviously for security reasons the exact location must remain secret and further details will be addressed at a national press conference later this week..
No.. Not bonnies liver or K2's imaginary sense of humor, I'm talking about something so sinister it threatens the very core of society.. Inflatable christmas lawn decorations.. LIFES ARE BEING DESTROYT and they must be stopped before civilization as we know it is ROONT.. The culture of proper and tasteful outdoor Christmas lighting is under attack and future generations will be denied the joy of untangling cheap light strings or relish in the frustration of finding that one burnt out bulb that wont allow the string to light.. Don't allow yourself to become a slave to the instant gratification of yard inflatables.. The future of mankind depends on YOU..
Last week I purchased new software which gave me the ability to create high quality graphic art.. We here at Ask Zeeke are constantly searching for ways to improve our silly little corner of the blogosphere and spending 48 billion dollars to create a dancing sausage and a plug strip cartoon seem like money well spent.. We here at Ask Zeeke take our blogging duties seriously and will continue to improve our content and provide millions of readers worldwide with the same high quality nonsense and meaningless crap they have come to expect from our satire-iffic labor of love we call Ask Zeeke.. I LOVE YOUZ GUYZ YOU KNOW I DO !
I thought since Ronnie posted pics of his workshop I would post a pic of the inner workings of a typical day here at Zeeke's top secret lab-or-a-tory.. Here the staff at Ask Zeeke is shown using the Zombie ray on yet another unsuspecting Aoler but sadly we missed and burnt out his liver so I sent him over to the tards at Team Hep where he went insane and eventually kill himself.. OOPSSSS....
Ask Zeeke is sad to report the loss of a cultural icon.. Bill " squeal like a pig " McKinney has passed away after a bout with cancer.. Ned Beatty's rape in the 1972 movie Deliverance remains the single most disturbing scene ever put on film.. (unless of course you are ChristopherK2 then its the stuff hot sweaty man dreams are made of ) In accordance with mancode paragraph 27 I've watched Deliverance half a dozen times and have never been able watch the scene in its entirety without turning my head.. I encourage Ask Zeeke readers to google excerpts from Burt Reynolds book about Bill McKinney and the backstory of the rape scene and how far McKinney was willing to take it.. One thing is curious though.. Why did it take 39 years to die from an arrow wound ?... RIP Mr McKinney..
With quotes like " You fat useless piece of yankee doodle shit "or " I'll get you more pumpkin and ram it right up your arse, would you like it diced or whole ? " Gordon Ramsay is like Benny Hill on crack.. Viewer tip.. Watch unfiltered Gordon on BBC 4.. American versions of his shows have all the best quotes edited out.. BLOODY WANKER !