You are facing " very serious criminal charges " over the most recent " Ask Zeeke " post.. Are you concerned ?

If I were living in pre cold war Soviet Union or a 3rd world dictatorship country like Dundalk I would be shitting my pants in fear but since I live in America I dont have a care in the world that anything will become of these silly accusations.. Its my flag waving yankee fucking doodle right as an american to piss off the socially retarded, morally bankrupt, pizza faced, punched through a van window, crotch fungus infected dickwhores of the world.. I will continue to provide Ask Zeeke readers with the same high quality nonsense they enjoy and have come to expect.. So dont worry lil Zeekeroos, Threats wont change a thing.. As that famous American George Patton said to Abraham Lincoln as they drove a Hummer up San Juan Hill in 1776.. " Fuck those stupid retards "


Lets meet An AOLER

In todays busy world we rarely get to know folks we encounter online, Its a shame.. So from time to time I will profile a few individuals who dont mind basking in the limelight.. Lets meet.. Kylen A Johnson.. Aka MENSASOS, Aka kelli, Aka kat.. Shes a 38 year old woman from Clarksburg Maryland who works for an Internet tehnology firm in Gaithersburg and also volunteers her time as a regional director of a missing persons network.. In 2006 she was a governors appointee on a maryland missing persons task force.. Aside from the brief stint in rehab for alcoholism Kylen's life has been dedicated to helping others.. In fact.. Shes so giving she gave a man named Dennis A nasty crotch fungus.. She's so giving she even voluntered her face so another woman could do knuckle excersises on it at Clarks.. Its a pity such a wonderful human being has walked among us in obscurity for so many years.. If you are ever in Clarksburg stop in at 12630 Piedmont Trail rd and say hello to Kylen and show her exactly how much you appreciate her lifes work.. If you have a special Kylen story you would like to share feel free to leave it in the comments section.. Kudos to you Kylen, You SIZZLE !


A Great Reader Question

Good Morning Zeeke,

I received this IM this morning. My question to you, is this behavior and obsession with fonts normal behavior? I know you have many years of experience with this sort of thing. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I may be being a little to harsh, but I do believe this individual may need INTERVENTION.....

Thank you in advance for your time.....


Takoma9270 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
Takoma9270: it was a blast seeing you all get blasted, Woot ask me if I wanted the room, I told him no it was too much work so he let it go
Takoma9270: lmao
Takoma9270: he made Md room history it was soooo funny
Perkyonex2: I think everyone left

Perkyonex2: he was in there alone most of the time
Perkyonex2: THAT was the funny part
Takoma9270: yeah he said it was too much work
Perkyonex2: yeah...it was hard to manage..with just him in there
Takoma9270: yeah my puter timed out about 6 am so he was there by himself
Takoma9270: I fixed mine not to time out but when I went back in alen ad it he told me he had to much to do and he didn't want to work with it...
Takoma9270: I told him thats what happen to me..toooo much work
Perkyonex2: zeeke said...don't buy cheap acer junk and your pc wouldn't time out
Perkyonex2: ham infiltrated your pc..causing all that commotion
Takoma9270: I told him I don't have a acer..I took it back there cheap
Takoma9270: I have a HP G60-440
Takoma9270: this is a good puter I just had to reset the timer on it
Takoma9270: Zeek believes to much BS
Takoma9270: he makes me laugh all the time
Takoma9270: we had a new widget we were watching you the whole time
Perkyonex2: ummm....don't you think we all knew you were watching
Takoma9270: yes...we wanted you too
Takoma9270: we know you were going to spend alot of time bashing us and we thought it was funny
Takoma9270: yea it made my day
Perkyonex2: well...I'll Be

Perkyonex2: would take a hell of alot more than what goes on in this chatroom to make my day

Takoma9270: but I told everyone they will zap all of us now..there not taking any prisoners
Takoma9270: lol
Takoma9270: were all traitors in your eyes
Takoma9270: and we knew it
Takoma9270: I told them this is not the worse thing that can happen it our lives
Takoma9270: it just chat room BS
Takoma9270: you will lose the bolt again
Perkyonex2: Is it true that you are dating Wellhung?
Takoma9270: what!..thats funny, I told you Perky I live with a lady I've been going with for 3 years
Takoma9270: and who is Wellhung?
Perkyonex2: I keep seeing it said....that you are dating him
Perkyonex2: I take everything that is said in a chatroom as the gospel
Takoma9270: he's a him ok I see the joke
Takoma9270: yea I C that
Takoma9270: Zeek does also
Takoma9270: thats why I lied all the time to him and Ham..kept them busy keeping up with my stories and drove Zeek crazy...lol..I loved it
Takoma9270: I loved fking with him he was tooo easy
Perkyonex2: if you live with this chick....why are you always on here
Takoma9270: not always
Perkyonex2: most of the time
Takoma9270: well during the day I have alot of time since I'm a fleet manager cause I'm out all the time
Takoma9270: three nights a week she works later hours so I have alot of free time to terrorize the room
Takoma9270: this was just a place to vent thats also
Takoma9270: never went will never date anyone in AOL learned from the past can't trust them
Perkyonex2: oh
Takoma9270: one lady here got mad cuse I wouldn't go out with her so she turned on me
Takoma9270: she was against you guys, I always say once a turn coat always a turn coat
Takoma9270: oh by the way I copied this so in case it is altered
Perkyonex2: ok
Takoma9270: yes I'm watching you now
Takoma9270: it's ok
Perkyonex2: thats fine
Perkyonex2: I knew that
Takoma9270: lmao Zeek is soooo funny
Takoma9270: I never had sooooo much fun watching everyone get blasted
Perkyonex2: I must've missed the part where everyone got blasted
Takoma9270: yeah I guess you did since Pantry was the first to go
Takoma9270: lmao
Perkyonex2: yeah..I work during the day
Takoma9270: good for you, you might have been next..lol
Perkyonex2: yeah....well...nothing I would've committed suicide over or anything

Takoma9270: yea I know not that important..lol
Perkyonex2: oh
Takoma9270: Woot made history here..lmao..but the kicker would have been Zeek getting zapped..maybe next time
Takoma9270: lmao
Takoma9270: tell Zeekpee I will be back............. No.. its not normal bahavior.. Obviously Zeeke controls his every thought and action.. Takoma needs serious mental help.. I wish him well..


Funny insult of the week..

" If you wanna get Eyore pregnant, cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest "... This became even funnier after it was discovered that Eyores toad has a foot fetish.. I dont care who you are.. Thats some funny shit right there..


I downloaded a hidden meaning text translator..

Lets try this out..I'll enter the text that Eyore and her Toad posted in MY virginia chatroom on 11/12/2009 and see what happens after the conversion.. < Start program >
Eyore4129: Zeeke I know i'm repulsive and ugly but i really like you
Eyore4129: I want you to come fuck me in the ass
Eyore4129: I'm sad, it makes me sad that you ignore me
Eyore4129: I'm soooooooooooooooo lonely
Eyore4129: come fuck me in the ass
Eyore4129: i'm waiting
Eyore4129: fuck me like the whore i am
Eyore4129: you can abuse my anus
Eyore4129: you know i'm submissive you can do anything to me
Eyore4129: its sad
Eyore4129: sad I'm sad that you wont give me the time of day
Eyore4129: i get stuck with dickless idiots like jnr
Eyore4129: I cant speak up, he changes my oil for free because he thinks hes got a shot at getting my slop hole
Eyore4129: hes a dickless worm
Eyore4129: just like i thought he was
Eyore4129: you can boot me
Eyore4129: come on zeeke, i need it bad
Eyore4129: dont make me beg
Eyore4129: hey joey you dickless worm
Eyore4129: i have begged zeeke to fuck me in the ass
Jnr60johnson: in the anus ?
Eyore4129: I have such a crush on him
Jnr60johnson: who do you wanna fuck, zeek?
Eyore4129: zeek
Eyore4129: yes
Jnr60johnson: o ok can i hide in the closet and jackoff while hes banging you ?
Eyore4129: sad huh??
Eyore4129: i swear that's so hot when you hide in there
Jnr60johnson: well its a good way to get nice ass shots of him
Eyore4129: he needs to have me in his life
Eyore4129: or a women like me to give him herpes
Jnr60johnson: i need to go to sleep and dream of zeeke banging you in the ass
Eyore4129: so do i
Jnr60johnson: later hon enjoy
Jnr60johnson: (_o_)
Eyore4129: nite nite
This is amazing.. It almost makes Eyore and her Toad entertaining.. I cant wait to use it again..


We have a winner ..

The cartoon beaver won in a tight race.. Tied for second was a fat bloated Tony Orlando and A dogs nutsack.. 3rd place went to the drunken indian from F troop and 4th place went to some gay hand dancer on youtube wearing a tutu..


What ever happened to ole Bosco ?

Bosco is a sad story.. After years of providing sexual favors for his master he got cancer and had to be put down.. Hes now the Thursday lunch special at Chi's Korean lunch corner.. Kung Pao Dog..I bet with all that peanut butter he licked off his owners nutsack over the years they didnt even have to add peanuts .. Poor Poor Bosco..


Who Does Takoma Most Resemble ?

I've conducted an extensive web search using state of the art facial recognition technology.. 3 results were returned.. A groundhog.. A cartoon beaver or Theodore Chipmunk.. I see aspects of all 3 in Takomas picture.. Hes got the beedy little eyes of the groundhog, The buckteeth of the beaver and he's got the headshape of Theodore Chipmunk.. I'll leave it up to Ask Zeeke readers to decide and post the results later.. You can be part of this super scientific survey by voting in the comments section..


Why has Takoma turned into a crazed stalker ?

Takoma hasnt been right since he got busted out for claiming he currently worked at a prison that closed in 2002.. Instead of blaming himself for the situation he's chosen to blame the people who caught him in the lie.. He's got some sort of halfassed revenge thing going on but his approach has left him appearing mentally deranged and unstable.. All that aside I think the reason he stalks me is that he contracted the GAY VIRUS and wants to taste my penis..


Special Halloween Edition..

This is a pretty scary picture.. A cardiologist would look at that pic and have night terrors.. He would wake up clutching his prescription pad scribbling LIPITOR and ranting about healthy diet and proper excercise.. If this gaggle of trick or treaters showed up at my house I would rush to the freezer and hand out lean cuisine frozen dinners and pamphlets about obesity and heart disease.. For heaven sake guys..lay off those cheeseburgers.. Happy Halloween


The crystal ball hits it on the funny ...

The only error was Instead of a bikini clad hottie the fat toothless trucker was posed with A transvestite Cher Impersonator.. Sometimes fact is funnier than fiction..


100th post

I feel pretty good about making a scam alert Ask Zeekes 100th post.. When I created this site I didnt want just another "smear blog" I wanted to create a place for sharing information and answers so everyone could take advantage of Zeekes keen insight into the world around him.. Ask Zeeke took the art of taunting dimwits to a new level and I must admit its been fun.. Thanks for sharing the ride.. Zeeke


Scam Alert Update

A concerned citizen sent me this recently.. Pepper writes, "ok i m's arnt working. i need help. a few days ago we found out jesse's daughter was being physically abused. today we found out sexually as well by her stepfather. he needs to get to her asap. we dont have a car and cant afford 128$ one way on greyhound. he had to go to Delaware to file protection from abuse order , he cannot do it here. we are asking everyone we know to contact churches or see if they know of organizations or someone they know passing through wv that could get him there asap. her mother is aware of this and is not doing anything. we need to help her please see what you can do" Puhleaseeeee her slimebag pimp er uhh.. husband needs a ride to Delaware (likely for a probation hearing over the pregnant whore incident)and once again they are using children as a tool to manipulate money out of peoples wallets.. Luckily Ask Zeeke readers were in the "know" and understood what "panhandling pepper" was all about..You would think Zeeke would get tired of being right all the time but you know.. I never do..


The Crystal Ball Saysssssssssssssssss...

The magic 8 ball is sending me a message.. Its late August.. I see a fat toofless trucker at a truckshow.. I see a woman who is being paid to be there.. I see a custom truck owned by a rich guy who can afford to take his truck off the road for a week..Its all coming together... I see a picture of a fat toofless trucker with a custom truck and a bikini clad hottie.. Now I see a chatroom and a fat toofless trucker claiming that the girl in the pic is his girlfriend and that the truck in the pic is his.. Aint life grand ? Oh right.. Delusion is a mental Illness..


Special Announcement..

The 100th post of ASK ZEEKE is coming soon..


A confirmed Zeeke sighting in Delaware..

Its true.. Zeeke attended the picnic in Delaware Saturday.. I must thank Tom and Nanci for a truly wonderful experience.. The food was superb and Nanci may be the most gracious hostess of all time.. She really outdid herself and it was greatly appreciated by the guests in attendance.. Kudos !!!


Congratulations.. YOU SUCK !

Recently its come to my attention that a certain HEP C INFECTED, Kool smoking, section 8, DICKWHORE (whos name I wont mention) attempted to post hurtful comments on A memorial page devoted to someones recently deceased mother.. I really have to ask.. What kind of sick demented individual would do such a thing ? I sat back and reflected on this for a while and I cant think of anything more vulgar and disgusting.. It ranks right up there with date raping a tard girl or hitting a 96 year old grandfather of 25 over the head with a brick and stealing his wallet.. It really troubles me that people like this are allowed to exist in society.. All I can say is..If karma exists you are gonna be one hurtin DICKWHORE when it finally catches up with you..


Did You See The Toofless Trucker's Picture With His Shirt off ?

Sadly yes.. When I was done laughing it got me thinking about A white trash remake of " All in the family ".. A story about a fat toothless trucker who lost his job and hates the world.. Archie Boleks Barf-O-Lounger even has cupholders built into the arms to add class and sophistication to the show.. I'll shop the idea around and see if anyone bites.. Stay tuned for the answer.. Same FAT time, Same FAT channel..


Do You Think My Girlfriend Is Hot ?

After careful review of the pic you sent.. I believe you are lying and trying to pass off a cute waitress as your girlfriend.. Her waitress apron tells a story.. A story that points to the delusional and grandiose manner in which you want yourself to be viewed by others.. Honestly, If it wasnt such A sad and pathetic attempt at trying to snow people, It wouldnt be nearly as comical.. Anyway, I have a short quote that might be of some value.. " I would rather be HATED for who I am than LOVED for who I'm not " Also.. Find that waitresses number..I have a friend thats 23 and could actually date that girl without making people puke..


Its official.. Zeeke is GOD

Its official.. When nitwits start defacing the body with ink and needles in my honor..Its official..I'm GOD ..


Zeeke TATS are all the rage.. Get yours today !

Zeeke tats make you cooler than Fonzie.. In fact.. I'm so hip to the idea that I will gladly pay for it.. Thats due to the fact that welfare money could be better spent on electroshock therapy..


An Apology To Bubbles The Chimp Fans

Great news.. Bubbles the shit flinging chimp isnt really dead.. I sincerely apologize to bubbles fans everywhere..


I have a video of me masturbating and its all over the web, What should I do ?

Ok.. I viewed the NASTY SHAGGY clip at flurl dot com.. Are you somehow related to the Geico cavemen? Wow.. I'm at a loss for words here but Its my civic duty to help anyone regardless how much I'm throwing up. Putting aside my sudden urges to heave my guts, I will push on and try and help.. Obviously you cant put the cork back in the bottle so thats a lost cause but I can give you advice on how you can do such things and NOT be so painfully disgusting.. Get a paper and pencil and write this down.. Ready ? First off..Lose 5 or 100 pounds because you looked like a hippo at the zoo getting its crotch attacked by a perverted caretaker.. Second.. For god sake, clean that filthy house.. 3rd.. Dont allow the cameraman to pan up and show your face because Ugly ruins the moment.. 4th and foremost.. Dont align yourself with a bunch of toothless retards because only bad things will come from it.. There now dont you feel better ?


Zeekes Thoughts On Michael Jackson

" Michael is about as relevent in todays society as the clap " ( a Zeeke quote ) Somewhere between the cute little kid singing " ABC " thru the allegations of child molestation and a masked freak dangling his infant son off a balcony 5 flights up Michael made a shitload of piss poor life decisions.. Michael was paying Uri Gellar millions of dollars for spiritual advice when he could have been using the service I provide for free.. My best advice would have been this.. "Have sex with the chimp Michael at least it wont talk and ruin your career"...(on a sad note bubbles the chimp was euthanized after it displayed agression towards humans)


I'm looking for a new place to hang out on Saturday nights.. I need suggestions..

Since the DUDDY crowd has discovered my current fun spot and decided it was a cool place to hang out naturally I cant be seen there anymore so I need a new watering hole.. Its a damn shame because I really liked that place.. So if anyone knows of another friendly dive with sticky floors, white trash atmosphere and really funny looking regulars, hook me up..


Thoughts on Kung Fu guy dying..

Sad Sad Sad.. My Childhood heros shouldnt end up dead in a hotel room In China with one end of a rope around their neck and the other end around the man gear.. Foul play is suspected of course, But I've seen Qui Chang escape from ropes zillions of times in Kung Fu so likely he was doing something freaky in the closet where he died.. If only his master had said this "grasshopper, The body is a temple, not a carnival of self pleasure" Oh well.. RIP Kung Fu Guy..


Zeeke, Are you Homophobic ?

Homphobic ? Me ? I'm not homophobic.. I love me some lesbians but gay man sex is just plain gross..


Where do I get a copy of the Manly Man handbook ?

A super secret organization hand delivers copies shortly after a boy reaches puberty.. Boys who play with dolls or spend afternoons dressing up in his sisters clothing are scratched off the list and given another book titled, "I hate my penis" and kicked out of the man club forever.. This is really all the information I can give or I run the risk of exposing our secret book to the world..


Is it Ok to watch a girl masturbate on cam ?

I'm scanning the Manly Man handbook and I see nothing on the subject.. Ahhhh.. Found it, Manly Man handbook page 34, Mid page.. It says.. "Obviously if you are in a relationship with someone the answer is PRETTY simple NO,Its unacceptable, But if you are not currently involved with anyone, Bored shitless and she doesnt look like a linebacker and has less then 4 chins you have a manly duty to watch or you run the risk of being infected by the GAY virus" The Book has spoken..


What happened to Team Toothless ?

What a great question to kick off the summer.. Well, Team Toothless self destructed.. I told them for months that hate based friendships were never permanent and that eventually they would turn on each other like a pack of wild dogs and of course Zeeke was 100% correct as usual.. I might suggest new leadership because in all honesty a fat moronic trucker looking for a meal ticket and some dumb whore from Washington State obsessing over a dead penis doomed them all for failure.. Maybe now that the fat bimbo from California's dying husband has finally dumped her she has more free time to devote to the cause and will assume a more prominent leadership role and can heal the devastating emotional wounds they inflicted on each other and spearhead some sort of lame assed, hapless comeback.. Hopefully they all learned valuable life lessons from the blunders they made and will somehow rise again from the ashes like a Big Toofless Phoenix.. I wish them well..


Back to the questions..

I've decided the world needed more Zeeke.. The magic 8 ball is repaired and ready for action, Of course I'll need some questions to kick off the summer Ask Zeeke campaign so fire away..


Another great night out on the town..

A night of drinking and fun was long overdue and judging from the smiles and laughter from those in attendance, The night was an overwhelming success.. The only glitch of the evening was that all 12 entrants in the PEEP jousting tournament failed the drug test so the championship will have to be decided another time.. We will try and get this situation corrected and reschedule ASAP..


Whats up with that guy ?

Who Bob ? I was hoping being slapped with a restraining order would calm him down a little but it seems to have made him more unstable and deranged .. I guess Pending litigation combined with having a tiny non-working penis are a bit more than Ole Bobber can handle at the moment .. Lack of education, Poor coping skills and No self control have sent him down the wrong path.. A path that without correction will lead to him becoming someones prison bitch ..


How stupid can a toofless trucker with a restraining order be ?

( This showed up in my mailbox and was posted in a blog owned by Bob Bolek who is currently under a restraining order for stalking another AOL member ) BUSH WACKER said...
Ask me, Zeek said...
LETS PLAY ZEEKE POO LETS PLAY.................... Zeekes reply.. Bob you are an idiot ..


!st annual Peep Jousting Championship announcement..

Due to State and Federal PEEP cruelty laws, The time and venue must be kept confidential.. Participants will receive email notification just prior to the event stating exact time and location.. All PEEP combatants must register the day of the contest and all PEEPS will be required to submit to a drug test and sign a waiver releasing all parties from litigation arising from the barbaric nature and of this deadly sport.. Remember.. The last PEEP standing will be named champion and the rest will die for our amusement so make sure all spectators understand the violent nature and savage brutality of PEEP jousting.. Goodluck and may the best PEEP win...


What does my name on a restraining order mean ?

Congratulations, You are officially a Stalker..


Lets increase our word power..

Todays word is Interloper .. Webster defines an "Interloper" as someone who interferes in the affairs of others, Often for selfish reasons..


You know you are a star when....

Recently someone pointed this site out to me.. http://letstalkzeeke.blogspot.com/ Its yet another blog dedicated to everyones favorite hero.. ME.. I thought it would be fun to allow my readers to see just how deeply Zeeke can fuck up someones mind.. For the record.. I havent looked at the site and I wont, But feel free to look and laugh in amazement at just how warped a mind can become when confronted by a superior being.. In fact.. I'm so amused by this I will open the comments section and allow people to post freely..


Things that make you go TSK, TSK, TSK...

Recently a certain toothless trucker implied that he was back in Maryland for the day .. What made him come back you ask ? Was it the need to see his young daughter after being away nearly a year ? Was it to sign his divorce papers that his soon to be Ex Wife is begging him to sign ? Was it to deliver some of the MANY gifts he's promised to give various people ? NOPE.. This dumbass said he came back to snap pictures of someones house and stalk an AOL room function.. TSK TSK TSK.. Sometimes we say things that totally backfire and make us look like hapless fools.. Now hes stuck with being thought of as a creepy stalker and people are wondering why seeing his daughter wasnt a priority.. I'll look into my magic 8 ball and see what the toothless trucker was really doing Saturday night .. OK, I see a short fat toothless trucker sitting all alone in the sleeper cab of a company owned truck nowhere near the state Maryland, He was at a non descript shithole rest area in Dumpwater, USA .. I see a set of wrinkly dogballs and a face with no teeth.. OMG.. He's licking his dogs nutsack.. Grossss.. Well.. The 8 ball has spoken and Team Toothless is caught yet another lie..


Zeeke goes out on the town

I wish to thank everyone involved for making the evening an overwhelming success and creating fond memories I will cherish for the rest of my life.. And Yes.. I was peeing ..


This weeks featured site

Some sites are Zeeke worthy.. Enjoy .. fatchicksinpartyhats dot com


Is having lunch with a Hep C infected revenge seeking lunatic safe ?

I would have to say NO.. We can examine her past behavior and point to specific incidents that more than prove shes incapable of rational human interaction.. psychopaths will often display temporary friendly tendancies in order to accomplish a specific task.. DONT BE FOOLED.. Chances are she will shove a grenade up her vagina and kill everyone or stab herself in the head with a fork and claim she was assaulted.. Its my personal belief that she will attempt to infect everyone in attendance with the deadly HEP C virus as some sort of sick revenge.. Zeeke strongly urges his many fans NOT to attend this luncheon for fear you may face dire consequences when she WRETCHES OUT without the buffer of a computer monitor to protect you .. The life you save may be your own..


Tips on calling someone out..

Recent events prompted me to share tips on the manly art of calling someone out .. First.. Dont use a fat wheelchair bound gimp as a mouthpiece.. Her image suffered enough over wishing her kid dead, She didnt need more bad JU-JU .. Second.. Dont toot your own horn and believe someone is fearful just because you think he wont show up. Third .. If the guy you call out is more than 5 times smarter than you be careful, He might be setting you up .. Fourth and most importantly, If you call someone out.. SHOW UP at the place and time YOU specified or you end up looking like a big fat pussy .. In conclusion, Zeeke doesnt condone this type of behavior .. If a font makes you angry enough to engage in a physical confrontation its time to evaluate where life went wrong and look into buying a penis enlargement pump to correct certain SHORT comings which causes your mouth to write checks you cant cash..


Can you qualify implying that Pepper is a whore ?

Shame on you for not having 100% confidence in Zeeke .. I give so much back to my readers and I feel hurt and insulted that I'm being put in the position to qualify my words.. Would newspaper articles bearing names and criminal activitiy be enough to validate my implication that Pepper is indeed a whore ? If you dont trust me maybe you will trust the Dumbass Daily who picked it up and made it a featured story.... If you cant trust Zeeke or a fine literary publication like the Dumbass Daily to shine the light of truth, Who can you trust ? I'm so disheartened and distraught over this outrageous character assination opon my font that I'm penalizing ALL readers by making you do this investigation all by yourselves.. If you Google search.. Prostitute, Craigslist, Pregnant and Arrest, You will find numerous stories about Diane Cromwell and her pimp husband that more than qualify my statement and will restore Zeekes character and integrity to the Lincolnish standards I once enjoyed amongst my many fans ..


SCAM ALERT ( Dont give the whore a dime )

I feel its my civic duty and moral obligation to point out certain individuals who's felonious activities show them to be less than model citizens.. One such online predator who resurfaces from time to time like a FESTERING HERPES CANKER is a vile whore named Pepper.. Uber reliable sources have informed me that shes back and trying to bilk money from people so she can see a dentist.. Since her cover is blown she may change her story but her intention is to make you pity her and send money.. Dont become her next victim ..


What is the dumbest thing you saw posted this week ?

I see so many dumb things posted that it all becomes a blur.. I would have to say when the toothless trucker posted that he took his dog as a 10,000 dollar tax write off by claiming its a security system for his rig would have to take top honors .. I cant wait til that turd floats by the IRS red flag department..


My girl says she thinks Valentines Day is stupid.. Should I still get her a gift ?

ITS A TRAP... Dont fall into it.. If you dont get her anything, Condsider yourself cut-off until at least Mothers Day..


Should engaged men be sending flowers to women they meet in chatrooms ?

I guess if you are "fishing" because your old lady is ready to set your junk on the curb because you cant stay out of AOL drama, Its understandable but not excusable.. If you use the fiances credit card to purchase the flowers it adds a certian DUMBASS element to the situation that makes it especially funny to people looking in .. Its just NOT a cool thing to do.. EVER..


Why do you think paying someone to piss thru my mailslot is funny ?

Its not only funny its part of my economic stimulus plan... We can save our nations struggling economy by paying A third party 50 bucks a pop to piss thru mailslots of people we dont like.. We have a duty as Americans to do everything humanly possible to help get us out of the current economic downturn and I'm willing to do my part .. In fact.. I'm feeling pretty yankee doodle dandy, So I'll make it 75. .. Never let it be said that Zeeke isnt a good American..


Did Bonnie see her shadow on Groundhog Day ?

That vile creature doesnt have a shadow anymore... Last year on Groundhog day they yanked her out of the cave at sunrise, She saw her shadow and swore it was part of some big internet conspiracy that was out to destroy her life... She totally Wretched Out, Threw acid on it , Threatened it with legal action, Dialed 911 to report a crime, Blogged it, Made a clone name and posted a bunch of lies in a chatroom and then devoted her life to searching the internet for dirt to use against it.. Her poor shadow realized it was a victim of her paranoid delusions so it ran away and vowed never to return ..


I browse personal ads and see the letters BBW, What does it mean ?

Ugh .. Personal adds ? Shame on you.. Women who place those ads show up for the first date in a moving van.. The term BBW means "Big Beefy Woman".. I guess if you are hardup and only looking to "bury the bone" until someone worthwhile comes along, Pounding a Portly Princess with the meat hammer would be a viable alternative to hand lotion and a sandwich bag.. One suggestion though Always unscrew the lightbulbs before she removes her clothes.. That way you dont risk blindness if someone flips on a light switch..


Why havent you answered my question ?

Its simple.. The question wasnt "Zeeke Worthy".. Plus I dont translate HICKTARD So I'm not even sure what you were trying to ask me anyway.... If the question wasnt sent to me in email form, It likely would have been written in blue crayon on the the flap of a twinkie box.. I'm sure that 5th grade education has served you well for things like creating an AOL accounts or displaying mindless "tags" on a user profile but it does little to help you turn a simple thought or idea into A semi intelligent question.. Keep trying though.. Its good for my Ego ..


i dont drive and I'm out of smokes.. Is it Ok to dail 911 for a ride to the store ?

I know you feel entitled use 911 as a taxi service but NO.. It really isnt Ok..


Who is Officer Woods ?

Officer Woods is an imaginary policeman who protects retards from big mean fonts ...


Special Zeeke commentary

I hope everyone realized the significance of this day in American history.. The guy who played the robot on " Lost In Space " died.. What a tragedy ..


You make me so mad I drool all over myself ..Where can I buy a drool bucket ?

I dont think they sell those at Walmart but you can make one easy enough.. Take a plastic margarine tub and a little bit of wire and attach it to your Tard helmet and you are off and running.. Well ..You cant run of course because you are also a Gimp but I cant help you with that.. Karma is a Bitch ..


I've got the winter blahs.. How can I fix it ?

You cant fix it, Suicide is the only option ..


Are you afraid of Dying ?

NO, I'm not afraid of dying.. I just dont wanna be around when it happens..


Is OLD snapper any good ? ?

NO.. Its like stirring a quart of melted ice cream with your dick..


Do you ever get angry ?

Nahhhh... Anger is a sign of weakness..



I've got a stuffy nose, Should I go to the ER ?

Why not save the taxpayers A few bucks by Dragging your dumbass down to the drug store and buying some cold tablets instead of wasting everyones time at the emergency room ?


Why do fatgurlz always order a diet coke ?

After they woof down 3 whoppers and 3 biggie fries it gives them comfort knowing they saved themselves 25 calories by choosing a diet beverage..


Should middle aged men have MYSPACE accounts ?

I'm gonna have to go with NO on this one.. Even 13 year olds think MySpace is lame.. Most adults have moved on to facebook or similar sites which are a little more focused on the factual side of life than the "tags" and "snippet codes" offered on MySpace.. A middle aged man with 500 Myspace "friends" should examine where his life went wrong and focus on "real " issues that may need attention.. Like being a pathelogical liar or why he smells like rotten cabbage ..


Which sister would you do ..The fat one, The one with the big nose, or the ugly mouthy one ?

Tough call.. I think I would rather cut off my dick and eat it than stick it in any of them..


What is delusional progression ?

Delusional progression is the manner in which a person with limited or impaired mental capacity reads a sentence and thru irrational thought process creates a new sentence with an entirely different meaning.. .. I'll give you an example.. The initial statement was as follows.. "I will pay a homeless guy to sex her up and calm her down".... Due to limited brain function this comment was taken by the individual to mean , "He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape me" ... After the subject went thru delusional progression the statement then became "He said he would pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me" The next progression will be "He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me and burn down my house" If we fast forward time the statement will eventually read like this... " He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me, burn down my house, kill my son and dig up my dead mother and have sex with the corpse .. As you can clearly see the content of the first statment was lost as the statement took on an entirely new and sinister meaning.. So the next time you read a quote that seems a little unreasonable or of out of character.. Think back to these words and call Bullshit, And say.. "Look you Hep C infested Dickwhore.. Thats delusional progression" .. That should end the discussion (unless shes a raving lunatic then it will go on for hours).. Peace out bitches.. Zeeke


Do you need teeth to be a member of "Team Toothless" ?

I think 1 or 2 members still have the teeth they were born with.. So I will say NO , You dont have to be toothless to be a member of "Team Toothless".. Personally, I feel that because they are all grossly overweight "Team Fatty" or " Team Obese" would be more appropriate but, Since Zeeke was the one who coined the name "Team Toothless" and It stuck like a truckers unwashed asscrack to 10 day old underwear ( pause and think about that for a second ) I'm not sure it can be changed at this point.. Someone recently suggested using the names "Team Dumbass" and also " Team Re-Re" When refering to them and I thought they both fit perfectly and should also be up for consideration by the general public.. Thanx for the great question..


Do you think I need a nosejob ?

Normally I'm against surgery to correct imperfections ( unless its saggy boobs of course) .. Its all about being happy with who you are and making the best with what you have to work with but, Obviously the gigantic proportions of your nose is also contributing to anger issues which causes you to lash out at others in an unreasonable manner.. What you are suffering from has a clinical name its called "Woody Woodpecker" syndrome... I'm sure being a "Woody" has been a lifelong struggle and I realize its been a major source of heartache and pain throughout your entire life.. It must be horrible to have such a freakish facial deformity that small children run away in tears thinking they have seen a monster... My best advice to you would be to get the nosejob, Seek therapy for the anger issues and stop acting like such a "woody".. Just think, Without that hideous nose men might finally be able to sex you up without making you wear a bag...


I was under the impression a girl was totally hot until I saw a recent pic and she turned out to be a hippo.. How could I have been so wrong ?

Dont feel bad.. I was sucked into believing she was a hottie too .. It was painful to see her pictures after people talked her up so much.. What a fat disgusting hog.. Shes 36-24-36, But thats just her left leg and her big flabby arms look like Easter hams.. Oh well.. Scratch her off the list ..


NOTE: New contact addy.....

Due to overwhelming demand I have added a new contact addy for the "AskZeeke" site.. You can also submit questions to BonnieButtnugget@aol.com .... Thank You for making Ask Zeeke such an overwhelming success ..


My core group of friends is on the verge of collapse should I abandon them ?

Yes. Its time to move on and find new friends... I know a group like that.. I'll refer to them as "Team Toothless" for the sake of anonymity... They are caught in a web of lies and deceit and are turning on each other faster than Hep C destroys A liver.. This group of repulsive banjo playing inbreds have mistaken petty self serving alliances for friendship and used the hatred of a common enemy as the glue that held the friendships together.. It was doomed for failure... Friendships are like houses.. A house built on mud looks nice for a while but cannot support its own weight and collapses, But a house built on a strong foundation will last forever..


Is Hep C funny ?

God Yes.. Its hilarious..


Is Zeeke good or bad ?

That depends who you ask .. I can see a comparison between Zeeke and pro rasslin.. You have good guys to cheer at and bad guys to sneer at but eventually the good rasslers become so sickening, self righteous and partonizing that you start cheering for the bad rasslers to pound the shit out of the overly nice, goody 2 shoe douchebag types .. Zeeke is many things to many people and chances are Zeeke has impacted your life in someway because you are reading these words .. I'll leave it up to the readers to decide for themselves ..


I'm overcome with hate for a person I've never met ..Is this normal ?

Its impossible to hate someone YOU have never met .. YOU are obviously suffering from chronic mental illness .. YOU should remove yourself from the situation and evaluate why YOU have placed innocent people in such a dangerous position .. Your self destructive behavior is like playing russian roulette with a clip fed pistol and its time to step back and figure out exactly why YOU are in such a messed up emotional state.. Notice " YOU " is in capital letters because its YOU with the problem and YOU are the only one who can correct it..