i dont drive and I'm out of smokes.. Is it Ok to dail 911 for a ride to the store ?

I know you feel entitled use 911 as a taxi service but NO.. It really isnt Ok..


Who is Officer Woods ?

Officer Woods is an imaginary policeman who protects retards from big mean fonts ...


Special Zeeke commentary

I hope everyone realized the significance of this day in American history.. The guy who played the robot on " Lost In Space " died.. What a tragedy ..


You make me so mad I drool all over myself ..Where can I buy a drool bucket ?

I dont think they sell those at Walmart but you can make one easy enough.. Take a plastic margarine tub and a little bit of wire and attach it to your Tard helmet and you are off and running.. Well ..You cant run of course because you are also a Gimp but I cant help you with that.. Karma is a Bitch ..


I've got the winter blahs.. How can I fix it ?

You cant fix it, Suicide is the only option ..


Are you afraid of Dying ?

NO, I'm not afraid of dying.. I just dont wanna be around when it happens..


Is OLD snapper any good ? ?

NO.. Its like stirring a quart of melted ice cream with your dick..


Do you ever get angry ?

Nahhhh... Anger is a sign of weakness..



I've got a stuffy nose, Should I go to the ER ?

Why not save the taxpayers A few bucks by Dragging your dumbass down to the drug store and buying some cold tablets instead of wasting everyones time at the emergency room ?


Why do fatgurlz always order a diet coke ?

After they woof down 3 whoppers and 3 biggie fries it gives them comfort knowing they saved themselves 25 calories by choosing a diet beverage..


Should middle aged men have MYSPACE accounts ?

I'm gonna have to go with NO on this one.. Even 13 year olds think MySpace is lame.. Most adults have moved on to facebook or similar sites which are a little more focused on the factual side of life than the "tags" and "snippet codes" offered on MySpace.. A middle aged man with 500 Myspace "friends" should examine where his life went wrong and focus on "real " issues that may need attention.. Like being a pathelogical liar or why he smells like rotten cabbage ..


Which sister would you do ..The fat one, The one with the big nose, or the ugly mouthy one ?

Tough call.. I think I would rather cut off my dick and eat it than stick it in any of them..


What is delusional progression ?

Delusional progression is the manner in which a person with limited or impaired mental capacity reads a sentence and thru irrational thought process creates a new sentence with an entirely different meaning.. .. I'll give you an example.. The initial statement was as follows.. "I will pay a homeless guy to sex her up and calm her down".... Due to limited brain function this comment was taken by the individual to mean , "He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape me" ... After the subject went thru delusional progression the statement then became "He said he would pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me" The next progression will be "He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me and burn down my house" If we fast forward time the statement will eventually read like this... " He said he was going to pay a homeless guy to rape and murder me, burn down my house, kill my son and dig up my dead mother and have sex with the corpse .. As you can clearly see the content of the first statment was lost as the statement took on an entirely new and sinister meaning.. So the next time you read a quote that seems a little unreasonable or of out of character.. Think back to these words and call Bullshit, And say.. "Look you Hep C infested Dickwhore.. Thats delusional progression" .. That should end the discussion (unless shes a raving lunatic then it will go on for hours).. Peace out bitches.. Zeeke


Do you need teeth to be a member of "Team Toothless" ?

I think 1 or 2 members still have the teeth they were born with.. So I will say NO , You dont have to be toothless to be a member of "Team Toothless".. Personally, I feel that because they are all grossly overweight "Team Fatty" or " Team Obese" would be more appropriate but, Since Zeeke was the one who coined the name "Team Toothless" and It stuck like a truckers unwashed asscrack to 10 day old underwear ( pause and think about that for a second ) I'm not sure it can be changed at this point.. Someone recently suggested using the names "Team Dumbass" and also " Team Re-Re" When refering to them and I thought they both fit perfectly and should also be up for consideration by the general public.. Thanx for the great question..


Do you think I need a nosejob ?

Normally I'm against surgery to correct imperfections ( unless its saggy boobs of course) .. Its all about being happy with who you are and making the best with what you have to work with but, Obviously the gigantic proportions of your nose is also contributing to anger issues which causes you to lash out at others in an unreasonable manner.. What you are suffering from has a clinical name its called "Woody Woodpecker" syndrome... I'm sure being a "Woody" has been a lifelong struggle and I realize its been a major source of heartache and pain throughout your entire life.. It must be horrible to have such a freakish facial deformity that small children run away in tears thinking they have seen a monster... My best advice to you would be to get the nosejob, Seek therapy for the anger issues and stop acting like such a "woody".. Just think, Without that hideous nose men might finally be able to sex you up without making you wear a bag...


I was under the impression a girl was totally hot until I saw a recent pic and she turned out to be a hippo.. How could I have been so wrong ?

Dont feel bad.. I was sucked into believing she was a hottie too .. It was painful to see her pictures after people talked her up so much.. What a fat disgusting hog.. Shes 36-24-36, But thats just her left leg and her big flabby arms look like Easter hams.. Oh well.. Scratch her off the list ..


NOTE: New contact addy.....

Due to overwhelming demand I have added a new contact addy for the "AskZeeke" site.. You can also submit questions to BonnieButtnugget@aol.com .... Thank You for making Ask Zeeke such an overwhelming success ..


My core group of friends is on the verge of collapse should I abandon them ?

Yes. Its time to move on and find new friends... I know a group like that.. I'll refer to them as "Team Toothless" for the sake of anonymity... They are caught in a web of lies and deceit and are turning on each other faster than Hep C destroys A liver.. This group of repulsive banjo playing inbreds have mistaken petty self serving alliances for friendship and used the hatred of a common enemy as the glue that held the friendships together.. It was doomed for failure... Friendships are like houses.. A house built on mud looks nice for a while but cannot support its own weight and collapses, But a house built on a strong foundation will last forever..


Is Hep C funny ?

God Yes.. Its hilarious..


Is Zeeke good or bad ?

That depends who you ask .. I can see a comparison between Zeeke and pro rasslin.. You have good guys to cheer at and bad guys to sneer at but eventually the good rasslers become so sickening, self righteous and partonizing that you start cheering for the bad rasslers to pound the shit out of the overly nice, goody 2 shoe douchebag types .. Zeeke is many things to many people and chances are Zeeke has impacted your life in someway because you are reading these words .. I'll leave it up to the readers to decide for themselves ..


I'm overcome with hate for a person I've never met ..Is this normal ?

Its impossible to hate someone YOU have never met .. YOU are obviously suffering from chronic mental illness .. YOU should remove yourself from the situation and evaluate why YOU have placed innocent people in such a dangerous position .. Your self destructive behavior is like playing russian roulette with a clip fed pistol and its time to step back and figure out exactly why YOU are in such a messed up emotional state.. Notice " YOU " is in capital letters because its YOU with the problem and YOU are the only one who can correct it..